I dated a series of Sams, none of which were very interesting. I dated one Sam near Halloween and as we brainstormed costume ideas, I suggested that we might wrap ourselves up in aluminum foil and be an element off the Periodic Table. But he didn’t know what the Periodic Table was, and it was no fun at all when we showed up at a party together and he had no idea why we were dressed like the Tin Man.
Another Sam (whom I never really dated, but who had befriended me to “talk about life” because “I was cool”) offered to walk me home one night. He had just finished creeping me out (turns out he didn’t just want to be my friend), and as I made a beeline back to my apartment, he grabbed my hand (because “friends can hold hands,” he had said). In my head I thought, Fine, just let him hold your hand. It’s not a long walk. Then when you get home you can run inside and tell Keith all about how terribly creepy this guy is. But we hadn’t walked more than 10 steps up the sidewalk when I heard someone yelling his name.
“Is someone calling you?” I asked.
He shrugged. “It’s a common name,” he said.
The yelling went on.
“I think someone’s calling your name,” I said.
The calling got closer and closer until finally a young lady was right behind us. He whipped around and dropped my hand.
“This is my friend… Sobrina…” he stammered to her.
She glared at him, then at me.
“Hi Sobrina,” she said cooly, “I’m his girlfriend.” Then she screeched out some profanities at the both of us before running off in the opposite direction, him taking flight right behind her.
I should have learned my lesson after three bad Sams, but I continued trying to date and the loser streak continued, each guy more loser-y than the last. One day, I forget how it happened, Jennifer and Vivien invited me over. Their apartment was unlike anyone else’s apartment I’d ever seen before. It was cute and coordinated, and it definitely did not look like they had secured any of their furniture by being the first to drag the rejected sofas and bookshelves off the curb and back up to their apartment. (Which is how I got my desk and nightstand).
In contrast to me (a pile of exposed, jittery, over-anxious nerves), they sat relaxed on the couch, typing on their laptops and watching episodes of The Gilmore Girls. Sometimes they would watch episodes of Sex and the City and that was when I decided to stop dating all together. They would offer me slices of pie with fresh whipped cream. I had never known anyone in my entire life who had her own whip cream maker and I wanted to be a part of their lives. I had no idea what I was going to do after graduation, but they both had been accepted into grad school and seemed to be so very calm and cool and collected. How they were collected! They would wear immaculate outfits with adorable shoes, sweaters with small cats stitched onto the breast. I would often make notes about their wardrobe and one day I voiced how lovely I thought their attire was. It was late at night and they seemed flattered and then told me they were just wearing their pajamas. I have no idea what kinds of things they wore out during the day if even their pajamas were so refined, but I had to imagine they wore only the very best.
Thanks to them, to the breath of fresh air they were to me, I stopped trying to date any more Sams and my life has proved to be much better because of it.
Your last post has inspired me to write my very first post on babies, and now this post gives me another idea for another post. 🙂 You write well and from reading your posts, I believe your "living with a very nice man" isn't a Sam at all.
Must have been wonderful seeing them after such a long and difficult time. I love the part in your post about the Periodic Table 🙂
It's amazing how transformative good friendships can be!
Your blogs are absolutely brilliant. Your writing is clear making penetration more than simple – reading your work is pure joy. Thank you.
eek, I've known some "Sams."
"Ok, the periodic table is… oh, just, never mind."
I recently dated a Sam, and now that I think about it…not so good. Can we do a Bruin reunion sometime soon? Maybe over a brunch that Alan can join us for?
those sams are nothing like my sam…but he's a cat so it doesnt count…thank goodness for girlfriends (like friends that are girls and not like the profanity hurling ones who see their boyfriends holding hands with other girls [?]).
I, too, have always envied my friends' pajamas. Even when they were just a baggy college shirt and sweats – they are ALWAYS cuter than mine.
As far as the dating goes, I've never dated a Sam…not even sure I was ever just friends with any Sams…Does that make me cool by nonassociation then?
Haha, I loved hanging out with you senior year (and now). So many fun memories. <3
Just for the record (and just because I don't want anyone to think I encourage mistresses), that Sam with the screeching girlfriend never said he had a girlfriend! haha. (Not that I was even trying to go there with him.)
T, I hope you didn't date any of the Sams I dated by some terrible stroke of luck. Oh but wait, you are much more sensible than I am and I've never seen that sign on your back. Thank goodness. Yes, a reunion brunch is in order!
Jana, I've never dated a Sam cat, so I can't be sure, but I'm willing to bet your Sam is an upstanding feline 🙂
Cham, yes, very, very cool. 😀
Jfer, do you still wear that cat sweater? If not, can I have it 😛
Love your post! Oh, how I miss the Gilmore Girls, Sex in the City, and pie with whipped cream days. Senior year wouldn't have been the same without you. Miss you girl! It was so great to see ya. Hope to hang out again soon.
i think i'm having the 'year of sams' right now. just when you think one can't possibly be worse the one before.. bam!! suprise! it can. So.. I've become addicted to TrueBlood and adopted a kitten named Ollie. 🙂
Hola! omg, this is the first blog i read from you, and it's awesomely hilarious! Love it! Reminds me of my "great" Sams. Right…
Hi Anh Thu! Have you started your blog yet? You have to start it soon! You're going on such an amazing trip soon that you'll have SO much to share. And you know you're gonna have a lot to share ;P