Saturday, May 9, 2015

On Being Ready/Not Ready

It's been a hard week. Last Friday, Alan had a 106 degree fever and was hospitalized for severe infections. His sodium levels dropped so dangerously low that the doctors were surprised he didn't have a seizure. When we got back home, Alan's nurse Iris came over to check on him. She asked a really hard question that really threw me.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

The Sweetest Thing

It’s been hard for Alan to eat lately, so whenever he finds something he likes, he’ll usually have it a few times in a row. Recently, he’s been really into food from The Pastaria, our favorite Italian restaurant. Even though we love it, we stick to our safe, albeit slightly boring, game plan of always ordering the same thing. Then one day, Alan made the exciting decision to throw caution to the wind and try all the pasta dishes on the menu. Our dear friend Sashee has been taking his order and delivering the food to our doorstep. Since she’s been popping into the restaurant so often, the Pastaria owner learned about our story. Sashee told me, “She’s so moved by you both and said it would be their honor to take Alan through the entire menu complimentary. And then when he’s finished, they have off-menu dishes they’d like him to try.” Isn’t that the sweetest?! I was already tearing up but lost it when I saw the card everyone at the restaurant had signed for him. We're so touched!

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts, Pastaria! We love you and your delicious food. 

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

The Magical Jumpsuit

how to style a jumpsuit
If there’s one trend I’m excited about wearing this spring, it’s the jumpsuit. At first I thought they might be too trendy or that I’d end up looking like a J.Lo-wannabe, but then I tried one on and I instantly understood. Jumpsuits are one of the rare things in life that seem too good to be true but aren’t. They’re just good. And so, so comfortable. Wearing one feels like you’re getting away with something. After all, how is it possible to wear what are essentially onesie pajamas out to dinner and still get compliments on your outfit? It’s mysteries like this that are made possible with jumpsuits. The most magical jumpsuit of all is this one from Target. It’s under $30, comes in two colors and fits tall and short people alike (I just roll up the pants when I wear them). My stylish friend Alyssa wore it one day and set off a chain reaction. So far she’s inspired three other friends, myself included, to buy it (and wear it every day (okay, that might just be me)). As she says, it's an all-in-one outfit that you don't have to think about; just throw it on and go.

(Top and bottom photo via WhoWhatWear.com, middle photo via PopSugar)

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Our Cavallo Point Weekend

cavallo point
A few weeks ago, Alan and I spent the weekend in Sausalito. We stayed at Cavallo Point, a lodge we've visited before and loved. It's in Fort Baker, a former 1905 U.S. Army post. While they have contemporary guest rooms available, our favorite place to stay is in the converted historic army buildings. (My sister Sophie says they look like they're straight out of The Walking Dead, ha!) Alan came down with an infection right before we left and was pretty wiped, so we spent our time just knocking around. It's not too shabby of a place to be a bum :)

In our room, we'd open the windows, lie down on the bed to take a nap (or watch Gilmore Girls, if our names started with an S) and feel the bay breeze on our faces. 

I was reading in this awesome leather chair one afternoon, when a wedding took place on the grassy hill right outside the window. What a pretty place to get married! (Case in point: this wedding).

Before our trip, Alan and I picked up a few books from our favorite book store. I started reading this bookwhich Alan made fun of me for, but how can I not read a book that's called The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. It was, as I had expected, enthralling.

When we first checked in, I'd read a sign in the lobby advertising free house-baked pastries and coffee in the mornings. The next day, I woke Alan up and made him go with me, promising goodies galore. I'm not gonna lie, I was expecting a pretty nice spread. If not an entire room dedicated to breakfast treats and beverages, then at the very least, a nice long table with a few generously-stacked mounds of croissants, muffins and danishes. I mean, we were staying at a self-billed luxury resort. When we walked in, I spent a few good minutes looking around. Were we in the wrong place? There were no croissant stacks to be found. Maybe everyone else had beaten us to it and all the kouign amanns had already been devoured. I started to tailspin into panic and disappointment, when a man in the corner of the room finished putting a lid on his coffee. He walked away, revealing the tiny table his body had previously been blocking. It held two coffee urns and a small plate of croissants. The travesty! I couldn't decide if I was rightly outraged or if I should continue pretending like we regularly stayed at luxury hotels. In the end, I chose wanting to belong, so I sucked it up, calmly wrapped an extra croissant in a napkin for later and hurried out of the way for the line of people who had formed behind us.

One nice thing about the Saddest Breakfast Spread Of All Time (one day I will let that go), is that there's a long porch in front lined with rocking chairs. You can look out across Fort Baker, see the top of the Golden Gate Bridge and feel the crisp morning air.

There was a pier a short walk away from our room that's popular for fishing and crabbing. And the views! On one side, there's the Golden Gate Bridge, which looked as majestic as ever (it's cheesy, but so true) and always makes me feel small and hopeful at the same time. 

On the other side, you have a clear view of the San Francisco skyline and the Bay Bridge (see it on the far left?) 

restaurants in sausalito
One night, we ventured out to the bar for dinner and sat outside people watching. All the hotel guests we'd seen so far seemed to be of the older, Tesla-driving crowd. Then Alan spotted a couple that looked about our age. I was excited to see some young people and imagined befriending them. Maybe they'd be plebeians like us, a commonality we could bond over. But before I could offer them some of my napkin-wrapped croissant--a gesture of friendship I was sure they wouldn't be able to resist--they got into their Maserati(!) and drove away. On another note, if you ever visit, get the truffle parmesan popcorn!!! It's three-exclamation-points amazing.

fort baker
Fort Baker would be fun to visit, even if you're not staying at Cavallo Point. You could hike the trails and grab a drink (and that popcorn!) at the bar afterwards. There's also a free kid's museum, too!

Friday, April 10, 2015

On Stopping Treatment and Choosing Hospice

This past February, Alan stopped taking chemo. Together, we made the difficult decision that he would stop all treatments altogether. No one really talks about why young people with terminal illnesses stop treatment and choose hospice, or what it’s like to make that decision. At least, no one talked to us about it in terms we could understand. Although it feels like it happened in a single moment of clarity, everything that had happened in the months leading up to the decision were all part of the process.

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