When it comes to signing waivers, you’re either damned if you do or damned if you don’t. Usually I find that I’m more damned if I don’t, so typically, after briefly skimming waivers, I sign away my life. The other day it was a matter of signing away my favorite Kate Spade glasses. The ones that frame my face just so, the ones that look so good that people wonder if they are new every time I wear them. How can you go wrong with glasses like that? Because I so briefly skimmed the waiver they had me sign before they would work on my glasses, I don’t really remember what it was informing me of. I think it was saying something to the effect of “Since these are your own frames and not some you bought here, and because you love them so much, be aware that if we break them, you will be SOL.” I can’t really remember the details, but it was either something to that effect or I was just asked to sign my receipt. You might imagine the worst that could happen wouldn’t actually be that bad; they might bend them weird, or put a scratch in them. Or maybe, just maybe, they might break them all together. The latter was what happened during this fateful transaction. When the optical lady called a few days later, I could tell from her voice that something was wrong. “I regret to inform you that the lab has broken your frames….” She kept talking, but all I could think of was pieces of broken plastic, my perfect frames gone forever. I perked back up when I heard her say “You can pick any other frames in the store though, free of cost.” I was there in no less than a minute, but it quickly became apparent that either eyewear fashion had deteriorated overnight or Costco’s selection was just not up to par. Where once my Kate Spade glasses looked like this,the replacement Kate Spade’s Costco offered looked like this:I would like to take a moment here to ask who, besides the grandmother in Little Red Riding Hood (before the wolf ate her), looks good in hexagon shaped eyewear?? And why are they so tiny with barely enough lens area to cover the shape of a normal eyeball??I ended up picking out some Clark Kent-like glasses, even though I could tell the lady behind the counter preferred all the other pairs I tried on to this pair. The lens area was large, offering more than enough lens room to see clearly through, like looking out from the windshield of an RV. Because I’ve never thought black-framed glasses go well with my skin tone, I asked if Clark Kent’s glasses came in any other colors. “Well, it says in the computer they come in honey, but I don’t have a pair here to show you what that looks like. But hold on…” the optical lady informed me. She placed a call to the Costco in possession of a honey-colored pair. After hanging up, she said, “Well, she said they’re sort of a … mustard color. That doesn’t sound too appealing huh?” But it did sound appealing. I envisioned honey mustard glasses on my face and this image pleased me. “Just go ahead and order them. They sound nice,” I told her. Who knows what they’ll look like. I did a quick search and I think they might look like this,or they could look like the sublime color of McDonald’s Chicken McNugget’s dipping sauce.
Last modified: January 10, 2019