I really scored at my family’s white elephant with this pretty necklace, and all it took was one strategic steal. Everyone else, however, was not so lucky. Normally when we play, people hide their gifts under jackets to avoid having them stolen, but this year’s game turned into a pitiful open air market. You couldn’t make it through your turn without hearing everyone hawk their goods. As more gifts were unwrapped, and the sad inventory was assessed, statements like “you know you want this puzzle” and “check out these socks—they’re not even used” became more and more appealing. A few winners went home with a bottle of bacon-flavored syrup (re-gifted from last year’s game) and a dusted-off, decade-old museum book from the garage. We were all ready to write it off as an off-year—not every white elephant can be as good as the last, right?—but then a packet of MSG was unwrapped and that’s when we knew: next year, there would be guidelines.