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Desperate times, desperate measures and all the things in between


Desperate times call for desperate measures, right? Like in high school when you had no one to ask to prom (and you were pretty sure that was your biggest concern because you were even more sure that no one was going to ask you) and so you asked the guy that had smiled at you that one time when you were having a really bad day behind the counter at Starbucks.

And it was ok that when you decided to ask him he was working at the pizza place a few doors down from your own barista gig, but then when you actually finally got around to asking him (by passing him a note as you drove through the drive-thru to collect your cheeseburger and fries), he had switched occupations and was now the one manning that same window which you were driving through.

It also didn’t matter that when you discussed the details of the prom event over the phone and talked about what he would wear and what you would wear and what kind of flowers you wanted your massive, overly blooming corsage to have, he also asked you (in a way that was not so much asking, but more like informing you politely) if it was ok with you that he was gay and seven years your senior.

It’s kinda like that, right?

[It didn’t matter that he was gay because he had a killer smile, nice eyes and a nicely proportioned body. And when you introduced friends to him at prom, he’d flash his kilowatt smile and take their hands in his and say, with all the warmth and sincerity of a skilled courtesan to a nobleman (seductive with the molten hot liquidity that melts one’s heart), “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” And it would be evident with the changing of their facial expressions and body language that everyone fell for it, completely ate it up. And you’d beam with pleasure that you had come — had been brought by — the dreamiest prom date stud in all of prom date history… Never mind that when they cleared away the dinner tables to make room for the dancing portion of the night you noticed that he danced with unbelievable, near super-human vigor and soaked through his tuxedo front, baby blue shirt with sweat and you worried he was on drugs — which you had never experimented with, which worried you to think was pumping through your date’s bloodstream… But never mind all that, those small minuscule details which will never tell their side of the story from your happy, glossy 5×7’s.]

But how do you know if you need desperate measures if you aren’t sure if your times are even that desperate?

How do you know??

Speaking of prom… They are still quite popular with the youth of today, with fancy dresses, boys in tuxedos, hair do’s, flowers and heels — it’s just like how it was in the early part of this decade!

One of many jr. prom go-er duos, the handsome couple Sophie and Brian of Gresham, OR

Last modified: January 10, 2019