Strong brand images and descriptive words are two important things in marketing. Do you remember the Trix rabbit? I don’t think I ever even liked Trix, but I ate them and I ate them with a mad morning fever in the early hours before school because its furry mascot friend could never have any. And to not eat them when so easily placed in front of me would be to show disregard and disrespect for his biggest, and seemingly only, dream. Imagine how he would feel if he would have somehow discovered that I turned down a bowl of Trix for some Grape Nuts when he had to scheme for days for just a bite. And when finally within reach, his precious bowl is whipped away and his tormentors berate him — “Silly rabbit! Trix are for kids!”

Indeed, it is true that I am probably the ideal target consumer for nearly everything save for guns, large trucks and large tires and “Keep Tahoe Blue” stickers for my large truck. But it’s not just me, I’ve known people to have chosen wild blueberry muffins over other breakfast pastries for one simple reason — the word wild. Say it to yourself and imagine the blueberries, the wild blueberries from where the ones in the muffin came. Yes, do you feel it? Are you instantly transported to a crisp, dewy blueberry patch with the soft morning light making everything look so soft, so serene that it rights everything wrong in the world….

But at least I recognize that I am an over-consumer — which is more than what I can say for the man I saw last week driving the brand new H3 Hummer with a peace sign sticker stuck to the back (repeated for emphasis: a peace sign!) — and I’m working on it. Like when I found myself in Target the other day and realized there was a whole aisle dedicated to the various formulas of body and face lotions and another half aisle for foot lotion. And although I found I needed multiple kinds for different things (according to the labels) — “quick absorbing to help you get dressed in the morning!” “decadent luxury to smooth and soothe your skin after a long hard day” — I bought just one kind for everyday wear.

And I’m doing other things! Like when I opted for Toaster Strudels, which come packaged all in one single plastic bag, instead of Pop Tarts, which come individually wrapped (wasteful). And Alan is helping me, discouraging the eating of overly processed, overly wrapped foods altogether. His method is simple and brilliant. People should utilize it everywhere.

Instead of making me a Toaster Strudel that looks like this:

I got this:

To the casual observer, the difference between my expected Toaster Strudel and my actual Toaster Strudel might not be readily apparent. Perhaps this method will only be effective when used on the serious instant breakfast pastry eating person, like myself.