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5 Signs of Increased Domestication


Bagel Monday’s and free lunches aside, I find there is nothing quite as wondrous in the working world as a three-day weekend. The days leading up to the event are filled with an excited anticipation, while the days following it are marked by a rejuvenated spirit and increased productivity.

I spent this three-day weekend doing the usual weekend activities of sleeping in and lounging around, but I also realized something a little frightening. Something was happening to me, something I had never felt before — my own increasing domestication.

Here are the 5 signs I’ve recognized in myself and if they also happen to strike a chord with you, perhaps we can both quit our jobs and form a board. We can give ourselves impressive titles and when asked what we do, we can tell people that we sit on a board, a Stay-At-Home-People Board. In general, people are impressed by others that sit on boards, so naturally we will gain lots of respect and admiration. Of course, we’ll have to explain that the difference between us and Stay-At-Home-Moms and -Dads is that we don’t have any children, but that we get to reap all the benefits of staying at home. People will be quitting their jobs left and right to join us in our cause! (Our cause being the ability to spend our afternoons watching Ellen, planning and cooking well-balanced meals, befriending all of the employees at Pinkberry and regularly re-arranging the living room furniture). At some point, we’ll have to assemble another board, one that is expressly responsible for financing all of this, but we can worry about that later.

5 Signs of the Burgeoning Home-Maker Inside Me:

1) I covet Crate&Barrel home decor. When catalogs come in the mail, I will look at the clothing catalogs and admire the shoes or the dresses. Sometimes, although very rarely, I might look at what fruit is on sale in the Safeway ad. It is only within recent months that I’ve started keeping Crate&Barrel’s Holiday 2008 catalog in the bathroom to see what place settings are in or what festive door mats are available. A few weeks ago, I saw this wooden bath mat while looking through the store and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. Every night while brushing my teeth I stare at my old yellow bath mat and I despise it for letting itself go, just getting all old and dirty and non-fluffy. I know it’s not its fault because that’s what happens to all cotton bath mats, I know. But I couldn’t help myself, so I went back to Crate&Barrel and got myself a new wooden one today. Next to the bath mats was this hamper, so now I have a new Crate&Barrel want.

2) I have demonstrated a decreased frequency of going out and visiting places at night that are dimly lit. Usually, these are the kinds of places where you can also buy an expensive alcoholic drink and dance squished up against a sea of sweaty people to loud music. I didn’t realize how long it’d been since I’ve been out in downtown San Jose until Saturday when I almost stepped into 5 puddles of vomit because I forgot to watch where I was walking.

Towards the end of the night, drinks spilled with a malevolent intent caused heated words to be exchanged and necessitated Alan leading the offended out of the bar. When I met back up with Alan, he told me that a passing stranger had just informed him that someone up the street got blasted. He thought this meant that someone got really, really drunk, so you can imagine his surprise when he found out that there was actually a shooting 3 blocks from where I just was.

3) I spend 2/3 of a 3-day weekend cleaning. And I consequently feel a deep sense of accomplishment and pride after seeing the results I have created.

4) I retire on the sofa after work wearing my silky-on-the-outside/fleecy-on-the-inside Madam robe so often that Alan has asked me if he should get me a small lap dog which I can stroke while eating my Godiva chocolates. It seemed like a funny joke until I saw this dog resting on the ground in Pinkberry the other day. It would be sorta nice to have a dog like this, wouldn’t it?

5) I like ugly sweaters. A small part of me knows deep inside that I shouldn’t admit this, but it’s true. I do. The only other person I know who likes ugly sweaters is Aunt Sisine who defends her taste in holiday attire by saying it’s something she can wear when she helps out in the kids’ classrooms or when she’s throwing a party at home. Between Aunt Sisine’s collection and Nathalie’s, we could have our own party any time of the year.

Last modified: January 10, 2019