Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Tips on How to Maintain Someone's Interest and How to be a Creep

There comes a time in all of our dating lives when we wonder: how do I get someone to stay interested in me? Well, ladies and gentleman, I have a technique. A proven technique even. I wouldn't have dared to add the adjective "proven" before yesterday (as before then it was more like a hunch), but I think after yesterday it is safe to say it has been proven to work at least once.

So, here it is. The secret to getting someone to stay interested in you is this: don't do anything. Don't call them, don't pick up their calls, don't text them, don't email them, don't see them, don't do anything. Now, I must admit there is a catch. The catch is that it takes a very specific sort of person to still be interested in you even when you don't acknowledge them at all. Either the person is secretly an alien intent on capturing you for DNA studying purposes or the person is a weirdo. But, if that sort of thing is all small beans to you, this could work very well. As I mentioned before, it's worked for me at least once with a man that shall be called Charlie. After a few months of ignoring him, Charlie popped up again with incessant calls. A year later, he sent sporadic text messages. And yesterday, after a whole16 months of my doing-nothingness, he actually made another attempt at contact. Eerily enough, this time Charlie wanted to know (just because he was curious) where I live.

This brings up another good point and proven technique. If you could care less about wanting someone to stay interested in you, but have been dying for a fool proof way to completely creep someone out, here it is: Wait until just about a year and a half goes by since last talking to someone you used to know and who is currently treating you as though you don't exist and then text her to ask her where she lives. It will either melt her heart (if this happens, she might be an alien) or prompt her to tell all her friends the next day how creepy you are over gchat in capitalized stretched out words like "OHHH, i SOOOO have to tell you about this text."

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J&D said...
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