Wednesday, August 26, 2009

What to talk about

When meeting new people, I always make sure to have a few safe topics of conversation ready in my back pocket. Though not always all together pleasant, they are things people might be able to relate to, or at the very least, things they know their great Aunt Sally or late ex-husband could relate to. Say, for instance, the topic of livers comes up -- "And then I said, 'Don't make me turn you into chopped liver!'" -- I could then segue the conversation to my Canadian grandma's kidney stones. She kept them in a tiny jar at the head of her bed.

Or if it happened to be unseasonably warm that day, I could talk about sweating. Some people, most people, do not have a problem with excessive sweating. But when I find the people who do share my great propensity to sweat, oh boy, the topic of sweating alone can fuel the conversation for hours.

When I meet people who exude an exceptional level of nerdiness and who ease me into my comfort zone, I might really open up and start talking about Google Analytics. This is a subject most bloggers are aware of (sometimes to an almost painfully obsessive extent). But for those who are not aware of Analytics and the treasure chest of data it provides, there is an awesome feature which allows you to see the exact keywords people type into their search bar to find your site. Some of them make sense, like when I see keyword phrases like "blog about horses that are quiet" or "sweaty people and the lives they lead." Others don't make as much sense, but still may be somewhat related to your blog or its title. Once someone found my blog by searching for "woman fucking horse." I can only imagine the incredible disappointment that person felt upon visiting and seeing nothing but lengthy sentences and pictures of swings and trees.

I love looking at the keywords, not because I'm trying to optimize my site or anything like that, but because they're often the source of a really good laugh. The usual good laugh turned into a gut-busting, side-splitting guffaw when I checked my analytics the other day and saw someone had searched this keyword phrase: "if i ate myself would i become twice as big or disappear completely?" It's a question I asked myself over and over that night, and then I tucked it into my back pocket for later.

20 comments:

Chloe said...

This is a great post, Sobrina- poignant and funny. I also love to see how people arrive on my site and even keep a little log of the funnier ones, such as "working with stupid colleague can kill you" or "oh fart". Yes, someone arrived to my site by searching for that, I was very proud that day.

I'm also a sweater. It is BAD.

Rich said...

This post was funny. I did not realize you could find out what words they used to search you, very interesting! Yes, I am one of those obsessed people with analytics, mainly because I don't understand! I really enjoy your blog, witty, funny, and a breath of fresh air every now and again. Thank you!

Usman Ghani said...

this is funny, I haven't heard about the analytics, but i will check it out. great post once again sob

Rainysoul said...

I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything as I read today's entry, I would have spit my drink! Thanks for the laugh. Now going to check out analytics!

Welsh Tramp said...

Very funny, just added analytics now for amusement, not sure what to expect.

i don't tent to talk about sweating, never gets warm enough where i live for that

Qoshni said...

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bored.mind said...

im curious about the analytics. i will check it out later. and yes, i am also a sweater. a very bad one. huhu. :)

Shelby said...

Where do you find that at? I would love to look at mine. :]

Daniella said...

I do this for my blog too! Last night at 1AM someone in S. Carolina hit my blog after google searching the words "mom likes to masterbaster when alone" - ha ha!

I would have loved to be a fly on the wall for the sad face when they hit my blog on that one! : )

Great post!

2busy said...

How did that querie link up to your blog? Crazy!

Breenuh said...

You mean you don't ask yourself that question daily? And I thought I was weird... ;.)

Sobrina Tung said...

Chloe that is hilarious. Oh fart. Haha

Rich, yes, now that you know about it you will become ever more ensnared with analytics! :)

welsh tramp, keep an eye on them. It can be pretty interesting.

Daniella your keyword phrase might be king of all keyword phrases ever. Haha

Shelby, go to traffic sources in the left hand column and keywords should be on that page on the right. Lemme what your best keyword phrase is! ;)

MunkyBt said...

I, too, am a sweaty sister. Just be thankful your job doesn't require a hardhat, like mine does. It's like trapping a freshly used gym sock on your forehead with a child's beach bucket. I honestly think my co-workers would be amazed to know what I look like before I come to work everyday. By the end of the day, my hair is plastered to my scalp like cooked spaghetti drying on the sides of a pot. It is NOT cute!

Love your blog, by the way! I'm new to Blogger, but yours is one of the first blogs I subscribed to. Hopefully, once I have my blog up and going (if I can ever manage to decide on a frickin title!), you might want to stop by and check it out. Stay tuned. :-)

Sobrina Tung said...

MunkyBt, you sound like a lot of fun :)let me know when you start your blog!

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Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

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