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The Real Pants Alternative


When trying to get an accurate reading of a couple, one might ask, “Who wears the pants in the relationship?” Some couples even fight over the title. This might be a result of the backwards thinking that if you’re not the one wearing pants in the relationship, you must be wearing something way worse, like a beret or a shiny laminated disco shirt. I, on the other hand, do not care to be the pants-wearer at all, simply because of this: pants are uncomfortable. If I didn’t have a job where people (who are not my intimate companions) must be regularly subjected to seeing me move about the office to use the printer and to get water, I might be tempted to forgo the whole formal pants wearing practice all together. Slacks, jeans — anything with a pre-determined waist, a zipper and some button closure — fall into the undesirable list.

Since I am not quite ready to make the move to a nudist colony and Bay Area weather is not always at a steady, warm 80 degrees year round, I have had to make certain adjustments to get along with this article of clothing. For example, as soon as I get home from work, the first thing I do, even before taking a moment to relish my adult gummy vitamin allotment for the day, is to change out of my slacks into a pair of Sort Of pants. Sort Of pants are typically made of a soft fleece or terry material and have a widely flexible waistband. Some are so flexible that you are also given a drawstring should you feel the need to tighten or loosen even more. These kinds of pants are fine for lounging around the house or running a quick errand, but for all their comfort, I must admit they are prone to looking a tad sloppy when spending a night out on the town.

I had come to accept this sad fact that comfortable pants are not meant for outside wear, until I recently found out about jeggings: the love child of denim pants and leggings. Anyone who has ever sported leggings knows — those bad boys are comfortable. Their extreme comfort may be the reason why they are so thoroughly abused by legging wearers today. We all know that leggings are not pants, but still, we continue to see people who pretend like they are. Has anyone ever thought, what if leggings were more substantial? What if they looked like regular pants, with a zipper and a button and back pockets and all, but with that trademark legging stretch? What would happen then?

This past weekend, I had to find out for myself. I tried on a pair of jeggings, and then I fell in love. I think, if the right pair is chosen, (because I have seen some not so cute pairs), jeggings can be the brilliant solution for those who dislike wearing real pants but who want others to believe they are, in fact, wearing real pants. They also tuck fantastically well into boots! Now please don’t tell anyone, but I’m never wearing real pants again.

Last modified: January 10, 2019