Monday, February 18, 2013

Keeping It Together

Last week was tough. I haven't written about difficult things in a while on Quiet Like Horses, but writing things down helps me process them. So, here's what happened last week...



On Monday, Alan got scary results back from his routine cancer screening. We spent the rest of the week waiting for him to get a follow-up scan and going crazy waiting for the results. Even though it felt like our world had stopped, everything else kept moving forward. We went to work, Alan went to school, I went to Cost Plus and looked at the exotic candies from faraway places. In the evenings, we'd try to forget. We'd put on a movie and have a pizza party.

One of the movies we watched was Celeste and Jesse Forever. Have you seen it? The two main characters, Celeste and Jesse, are going through a divorce and at one point, Celeste excuses herself to go "eat her feelings." It made me laugh. I'm a total emotional eater, too. It got me thinking about how we cope with difficult things, and how, for the most part, we do a remarkable job of keeping it together when we need to. So kudos to you, my dear reader, for all those times when you were strong and brave and helped someone through something awful. (Even if it meant you ate your feelings just a little bit.)

On Friday morning his oncologist, a pixie of a woman with cropped silver hair and a kind face, called with the results. She always called with news in a timely manner which made me like her very much. The good news was that the scan didn't show any signs of cancer. The bad news was that she couldn't explain the worrisome results from his cancer screening.

We sat on the couch and ingested what it meant. It felt better, but it still felt really scary. On my drive to work, without the movies and the pizza and all alone in my car, I felt a quiet tear slip down. It was followed by many more—an uncontrollable flood of fear and anger, punctuated by an ugly ragged breath.

We're in a waiting game now, with our fingers crossed that his next screening in a few weeks shows better results. Until then, we're trying to get back to business as usual (probably with a few more pizza parties) because that's what feels normal and safe. I hope to continue posting regularly, and I want to thank you for reading and for your continued support. All your comments and visits here mean so much to me.

9 comments:

Rachel said...

Oh, Sobrina! We'll be thinking about ya'll. Much love!

Elissa said...

Thank you for showing a glimpse of your heart in this post. It reminds me that even in the times we would rather paint on a brave face and take on the world, sometimes it's alright to be vulnerable and admit that we can't be in control 100% of the time. Thank you for sharing, may you and Alan find peace and rest this amidst the worries!

xo,
Elissa
sparklesandprays.com

2busy said...

Praying that his numbers return to normal. Hang in there...

Briel said...

Keeping Alan in my thoughts! I hope the next tests show better results! :/

Sobrina Tung said...

thank you for all your thoughts and prayers! you guys are the BEST.

ami said...

I'm really sorry that you guys are having to go through this. I can't imagine what it must be like. Sending good thoughts!!

Sboon said...

Praying for healing, comfort and peace. "...the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by His wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:5

Claire Star said...

Sobrina and Alan, I'm so saddened that you two are going through that. I was wondering if everything was alright when you were atypically quiet on the blog last week. I'll be thinking about you guys and hoping that everything turns out okay!

Giovanna Iorio said...

Ciao Sabrina and Alan, this is the first time I read again your blog after... how many years? Today I felt I wanted to know about you, and Alan.
You know, I live in Rome. I am married to my Alan, I often think of you, I wonder how you are keeping. I always remember a story you wrote about some fruits left on your doorstep when Alan was not well and you were fighting together. That little story is a beautiful warm memory for me. Un bacio da Roma, and keep hoping for the best. Giovanna

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